An awkward feeling..

Why am I hurting like this?
I know that I have no right to fall for you
and to hurt every time I hear you state your love
to the one who holds your heart..

I wish... I could be that one...
the one you'll love with all your hearrt..

Oh how I envy the one you love...
how I envy all the sleepless nights
you both share on a warm sweet bed..

The sweet conversations with
only you and your love...

Endless... Sweet...

LOVE...

Blaz Blue (Dream)

I am... dreaming.



A terribly long dream.. one with no end.

It matters not how i struggle to wake myself

from the dream. It is futile.

Perhaps...it is time to give up...



Give up and forget about life outside this dream...

It would appear I have failed, once again.



How many times have i been here...

in this very spot.



The entrance to the dream from which I can never wake...

The doors of the abyss...



And here I am again.

Everything the way it was...

Take All my love.

Take all my loves, my love,  take them all;
What hast thou then more than thou hadst before?

No love, my love, that thou mayst true love call;
All mine was thine before thou hadst this more.

Then if for my love thou my love receivest,
I cannot blame thee for my love thou usest;
But yet be blamed, if thou thyself deceivest
By wilful taste of what thyself refusest.

I do forgive thy robbery, gentle thief,
Although thou steal thee all my poverty;
And yet, love knows, it is a greater grief
To bear love’s wrong than hate’s known injury.
Lascivious grace, in whom all ill well shows,
Kill me with spites; yet we must not be foes.

“First meeting’s hi! and … Goodbye?”

“First meeting’s hi! and … Goodbye?”

You came after a few minutes of waiting…

we talked… but not that much, a mere introduction it is…


You said hi but after that comes the word Goodbye,

maybe I wasn’t the one you said I was… Flowery words you

used to say… where are they now?

You said you love me…. but you don’t,

Indeed false hopes it is…

you’ve given me false hopes , I was but a

fool believing all those things you said  to me,

like how you care, and how you love me

the very first time you saw me…


I thought that you were the one, but

you’ve proven me wrong, your still too

immature to mean what you said, maybe

our milieu is different from each other,


maybe you were just toying with me,

like you used to do with the other people

you used to toy with…

Our first meeting turns out to be..

Our last…


Foolish I was, maybe my

interpretation about you was wrong,

maybe I cant really find someone who can

love me as me, because there

was really no one to start with…


CUT!!! D2 nlang mna… putulin k mna…

A Piece Of The Night.

Your eyese xcelled the morning sun

Your smile laden my breast with flame

I’ll boast upon that lilting sun

Your beauty worthy of a name

O what shall i give but a song

A song to sing my love for you

A song to time and space belong

Until the world is born anew

The night is calm my love

And tim is fleeting still

The wind is breathing low

Kissed by the evening dew

How sweet it is to dream

That I have to wake for you

Your fair attemper face

I shall always caress

O when the night is come

And you my love i see

The sadness all is gone

Buried deeply in my soul

Whenever i reacall

Loving ways you are wont to

I shall not forget you

Until I am laid to my…

Final rest…

Mahal na mahal kita.. Thats why im doing this…

hhhhaaaay… hmm… lam mo ba mahal n mahal kita…
hindi ko lng alam kng paano iparamdam.. nakakahiya.. ndi ko alam kung bakit pero…
alam mo ba sumasakit dib-dib ko at nahihirapan ako huminga pag nalalaman ko na mag kasama kayo… malapit ka pero bakit parang ang layo-layo mo… parang ndi kita mahabol… ndi ko alam kng ano ggwin ko..
at this rate feeling ko.. ndi ko na kayo mahahabol… haaay.. gnun tlga kng ndi ako para sayo tangap ko un =3

pero sana tinulungan mokong layuan ka para hindi na lumala ang nararamdamaman ko para sayo.. for now umaasa pa ko na mamahalin mo din ako balang araw tulad ng pag mamahal ko sayo… sa ngayon nakikita ko na wla na tlaga akong pag asa.. pero umaasa parin.. susubukan kong unti unting lumayo sayo para hindi nko makasagabal sa pag bunga ng nararamdaman nyo sa isat isa… oo hindi pa kayo at ayaw mo pang mag karon ng partner sa buhay… pero nakikita ko na wla akong laban sa kanya.. malapit na kc kayo sa isat isa… eh ako ni hindi nga kita makausap ng hindi ako nanginginig at nang hihina sa harap mo oh kahit lng sa txt.. I’m so pathetic… but still… maging kayo sa future just remember.. kahit ndi mo na ako nakikita oh nakakausap.. pls remember na mahal na mahal kita hindi nko mag hahanap… nakita ko na kase ung gs2 ko eh…
dahan-dahan akong lalayo para wlang makapansin…masakit nga lng pero titiisin ko… sino ba ko para pilitin ka..

as i always say…

Forcing someone to love you is never the wizest idea..
for if ever you succeed… it is automatic that pitty is the cause… not love…

pero kahit papaano i will do my best to be happy for the 2 of you..
dont mind me ok!
bsta un na un ahehehehe :3

I will forever love you…

~Fin~

Last words of my heart…

Why do complicated things happen… does it happen because you allow it? or it just happen with or without you noticing?

Why is “love” such a complicated thing?

most of the time the choices of the heart is always selfish… the heart wants to fullfill it’s own desires even if it pulls people apart…

sometimes people go mad because of love. They cry.. they breakdown and sometimes even die..

but why would they choose to hurt themselves by loving …if they can just ignore the feeling.
I felt love but something is always a miss… i cant specifically point it out before but now i know what it is…

The reason is that… ” I’m the only one Loving ”

or I’m the only one who believes that there is love in my past realtionship…

There will be nothing in the future if you're the only one who can feel love.. specially if the one you love… is waiting for someone else to love’em back again or was never really In loved with you in the first place …

There is no true love if only one person in a relationship can feel it…

I’ve known it for soo long… yet i deny my self of the answer, for my heart dictates the opposite of what my mind is trying to say…

Before i was loving too much… it hurts… I could even die!

But hey I'm still alive so like... yeah whatever xD

Then I tried to stop my self from loving and hey what do you know after 2 days of breaking up

News came that my "X" was found in naked with someone else at their house… still… it hurts much more than before… Makes me kinda regret breaking up but... Oh well i knew we never really like each other anyway.

Going back to topic... I can't even remember what my topic was but ANYWAY mooooving on...

Now… i dont know if i can keep this up… but freezing my heart is the only way for me to move on.. I’ll train my self not to love too much, not to be attracted to others and just plainly lose SOME of my emotions that couses me pain… somehow the progress is going smoothly but i cant assure my self that this will give me a better reason to enjoy life… still having no heart doesn’t mean i cant be good or bad… My mind is powerfull enough to portray such pseudo emotions anyway…

Now I have said the last words of my heart… I hope things get well for me…

why am I being tormented like this…

Early this morning (May 14, 2009)… a very strange and scary event occur…

at 8:45 am i heard my mom waking me up.. but for some unknown reason i cant move my body, then since i stay up late last night my eyes hurts so i just slightly open my eyes.. Then..

I was shocked!! when i open my eyes i saw a long hair blond little girl sleeping by my side under my arms. she has a white pinkish skin and a long blond hair wearing a white long linen night gown… she was so beautiful like you would want to keep her, protect her… she was so innocent so precious and powerless.. but at first i was soooo shocked but then.. she opened her eyes and looked straight into my eyes..

Her eyes are no ordinary… her eyes contains every emotions there is, they are so deep i felt like drowning while looking at them its like i was falling in the abysmal pit of Over flowing emotions, then years starts falling in her eyes.. i felt a great pain in my chest… but i don't know why, maybe i was just… just affected by her emotions.. then she closed eyes and slip again…

I moved my eyes on the right side of room… then i saw a Guy.. all in black, he is wearing a black shirt black pants and black bracelets all over his both hands, he has a pale white skin and his hair was styled like emo with long bangs covering his right eye but i can still say that he is good looking too…

still this guy really scared me, he was holding my feet.. he then looked straight in my eyes, his eyes were empty… empty of any feelings or emotions, his eyes are dark and deep but i can feel nothing in him, he was just staring at me… like he was thinking of something… he was very scary for i cant predict what he is thinking… he… somehow looked like me these past few days he then opened his mouth he i saying something but i cant hear anything then my vision goes blur and i can see him fading slowly in the background untill all i can see is the cabinet that he was leaning to, even the girl has vanished…

When my visions cleared out and everything was clear i hurried to sit down in my bed and catch my breath for all this time i wasn't breathing… then tears starts gushing out from my eyes i cant control them they just keep on falling i really do not understand the logic of this but it still happens… the pain in my chest goes worst until my tears became cries of agony and despair i was so sulk in every kind of emotions… I never cried like this form ore than 7 years…

I never felt this kind of emotion before… it hurts soo much… then when i got a hold of my self i start to calm my self… but pain then attacks my head.. my mind was throbbing.. beating like a drum… this head ache.. its so harsh blood falls from my nose then it suddenly stops… and before i get up from bed i lost my consciousness…

Then when i woke up this 1pm in the afternoon…

they said i was calling someones name… i told them i dont who that person is… but i lied… i know this person… i was so attached to this person that it hurts me soo much but im ok now… later this evening i’ll be leaving the hospital hopefully i’ll be discharged sooner today…

Still i wonder who those 2 people are… what is my relationship between the young girl and the guy whose holding my feet and what is he saying and why he holding my feet???

its soo weird I cant think cognitively yet… but i hope that I can figure this out soon… like a puzzle missing a piece…

A dream of sorrow and despair.

This dream…
among the infinite images flowing through my head;
i noticed i had been crying out loud.

I cried from deep inside my soul at the regret, sorrow, and urges of rage that i felt.

“The world is full of sorrow”

i let out a war cry.
wanting to burn everything around me to the ground, i howled furiously.

a lump, tasting like metal,
tightens up in my chest.
my mouth tastes bitter.

The cold sweat in my body feels like blood.

Are these the agony i kept inside my soul?
The ones i intentionally shuned for a long time ago?

(LOS) Love of Siam: "Endless Night"

 

I can see no path that can lead me forward in

the darkness within my lonely heart,

in the darkness without your heart near mine.

The night can be so long when I can see no light from the sky.

the more i look around, the more

I feel afraid of the night that has yet to pass. . .


Is there any other way to go?

I know the sun will shine tomorrow.

when we are in the new morning,

I hope that we will find the way.


When the sorrows of yesterday

come crashing to my lonely heart. . .

the reason that i lost our love is that

I neglected the needs of both of our hearts,

my suffering turns into an endless night

but I know that this has come to pass. . .

As long as time goes by,

so will my sorrow,

because the thought of our love

says that there is no endless night,

when we are in the morning,

we’ll find a way from this endless night. . .

I LOVE YOU

I LOVE YOU


That is what my heart is trying to say…

But obviously…that word…

comming from you… to me..

is a dream far fetched from reality, for your heart already belongs to someone you yourself loves most…


Again I’m left alone with just memories unbearable to keep…


When one loves, there is a risk of hate..


The feeling I’m most trying


to resist…

My heart and Your heart… A Miss...

My heart cries for you, but…

your heart longs for another.


you can’t hear me and you barely see me…

There really is no chances that you could

love me the way I lovED you…


Past tense? yes, because for now on

I’ll be forgetting everything about you…


Our love was never meant to meet…

It was made to fade even before it began…

like the words on a book soaked in the salty sea…


“Everythiing will Fade…”

Everything will be


Forgotten…

Kiss me Good-bye… Loves Memory..

You say my love is all you need, to see you
through..
but I know these words are not quite true..
here is the path your looking for, an
open door leading to words you longed to
explore…

Go if you must move on alone
I’m gonna make It on my own…

Kiss me goodbye loves memory follow your
Heart and find your destiny
Don’t shed a tear for loves mortality
For you put the dream in my reality

As time goes by I know you’ll see this part of me in here…
I loved you enough to let you go free…

Go I will give you wings to fly
Cast all your fears into the sky

Kiss me Good-bye loves mystery
All of my life I’ll hold you close to me
Don’t shed a tear for loves mortality for you
put the dreams in my reality

Kiss me Good-bye

Loves memory

You put the dreams in my reality…